Threadbare Volume 2: Sew You Want to be a Hero by Andrew Seiple

Author:Andrew Seiple
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 2018-01-25T05:00:00+00:00

*****

Against the burning remnants of the woods, the hut, and the clearing, the little toys and their cats stood triumphant, splattered in ogre blood, and thoroughly drained. Once Zuula’s secret blend of eleven herbs and spices had finished its work on the ogre, and slapped it with a thoroughly hallucinogenic high, they’d closed on it and torn the ogre to bits. It had taken literally half an hour, and they were all tired. Golem endurance is very high to start with, but fighting really does take it out of a person.

Even when all the enemy can do is sit there and stare into the distance, waving at hallucinations.

Then the levels started rolling in, and they were cheering, hugging, and embracing. All save for Mopsy. She’d leveled too, but she was too busy meowing in confusion, as her body grew a bit.

Just a little bit. She was a tamer’s pet, so she was capped by the tamer’s level.

“Hahaha! Back to de level five shaman!” Zuula danced with joy. “Four Toy Golem and five half orc levels too. But shaman for de win! Hello Dream Quest! Zuula miss you so!”

“Level fahve elementalist! Woo! New skills! Oooh, one of them gives me moah sanity. Nice! Wait, it ain’t all that much. Eh, whaddeva.” She frowned. “Only level three vampire? But level foah toy golem? What gives?”

“I got level four golem too,” Garon confirmed. “Merc’s back up to five. Gods, that was a lot of… a lot of…” He frowned. “Wait. Uh... Uh oh.”

“What?”

“My dragon level’s still one.”

“Oh. Shit, that’s rough man. Wait, so some races get levels fastah than othahs?”

“I’m a knight!” Yelled Missus Fluffbear, raising her dagger. “Yay! And more levels!”

“I guess that’s how it works. Dragons take a lot to level.” Garon looked like he was going to cry.

“Fuckin’ Nurph, amirite?”

“Fucking Nurph,” Zuula confirmed, patting Garron’s wing.

“Meh, whatever,” Garon shook himself. “Still a dragon. Did you see that Burninate?”

“I still see that Burninate,” Said Threadbare, on foot, guiding a very reluctant Pulsivar through the trees. “I think that maybe we should move to some place that isn’t on fire, please.”

“When did you show up?” Zuula asked.

“Ten minutes ago. But I didn’t want to steal your kill. This was all to train you, even if it didn’t work like we planned. Erm… you might want to…”

WHUMP!

A burning pine tree five times the size of the ogre slammed down ten feet from the toys, spraying embers everywhere. They jumped and screamed, and Mopsy was gone, baby, gone.

“…Move…” Threadbare finished. “Well, no harm done. Yet. let’s go then.”

Once clear of the now-burning hollow, Madeline looked up at Threadbare as he rode along on Pulsivar’s back. He had black and white makeup on his face, in the shape of a handsome, mustached man. She’d seen the like on many playing cards, before.

“Nice paint.”

“Thank you. It’s a model skill. It’s boosting my Organize Minions skill right now. I guess this is the Ruler makeup.”

“If I evah get moah jahbs, that sounds like a useful one ta pick up.

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